Sometimes Keeping Children Focused on Schoolwork Requires Tunnel Vision

By Ron Hollowell

There’s something special about how the brilliance of sun-drenched autumn afternoons intertwines with the start of a new school year. While one signals the end of summer and the onset of winter, the other marks ubiquitous beginnings for young minds to explore and to create. In some way, the two seem to be a perfect match.

For my two daughters, Gabrielle, who is in the eighth grade, and Maris, who is in the fourth grade, the school year is met with exuberance and a sense of untamed excitement. Both are unafraid to face new challenges and both share an inner desire to excel academically.

But oh how they differ in their approach to their schoolwork. These differences also pose many challenges to their mom and me as we try to keep them on track with their tasks at hand. Gabby is conscientious, but she also is extremely hard on herself. Maris is more easy-going than her big sister. That’s not to say she doesn’t have to work hard to achieve good grades – she does. By confidently approaching her subjects, she naturally performs well. Schoolwork just comes easier to her.

As parents, we face a multitude of obstacles while raising our children. One of the biggest challenges is keeping children motivated throughout the course of the school year. I know my daughters work extremely hard at school and diligently do their homework each night. With this understanding in mind, I always try to keep my cool on the rare occasion they come home with a poor grade on a test. I try to find something positive about the results of their test and accentuate it – rather than compound their frustration with some needless pearls of wisdom about how they must raise their grade on the next exam.

Earth to dad . Like they don’t know that? Dwelling on the fact that they got a D on a test without getting to the root of why they scored poorly is counterproductive. I only wish some of their teachers shared my line of thinking. I don’t want to send the mixed message that it is tolerable to accept mediocrity. It is OK to accept the grade they earned as long as they worked hard in class, studied assiduously at home and prepared mentally on the day of the test.

Nothing that I – or their mom – can say after the fact will beat them up as much as they beat up themselves over a poor grade. They need their space to be hard on themselves – as long as their self-criticism is warranted.

At the end of the last school year, both girls came up a tad short of their goal to ride into summer on the wave of a straight-A report card. Each missed with a B in one subject. I was pleased they were upset that they fell short of their goal. I also set them straight that the grades they earned were exceptional nonetheless and they were the result of the passion they exude for higher learning.

The last thing I want for my children is for any of them to sell themselves short. I don’t see this element in the character of either Gabby or Maris. Despite the four grades that separate them, there is a sort of tenacious sisterly competition between them – especially when it comes to reading. Maris is a voracious reader who enjoys books several grade levels above her ability. Gabby is enthralled with books that chronicle the exploits for girls her own age and who live a similar lifestyle – you know, those who reside in suburbia and oogle over the Jonas Brothers.

For their respective ages, both girls show proficiency for writing and proclivity for telling complete stories. Their deft storytelling comes from their ability to read and comprehend what they see in the pages of the books they love.

As they set sail on an open course for adventure on the high seas that only a new school year can present, I am confident that my daughters will continue to navigate uncharted waters with their usual flair and demeanor. Helping them to see victory when they see defeat isn’t easy. Nor is teaching them that the light at the end of the tunnel is not that of an oncoming train.

If parents and their children share a vision of what is expected of them – and convey these expectations with each other – they will all see the light.

Each will shine brighter because of it.

Ron Hollowell, resides in Hambden Township with his wife and four brilliant children.