I’m Not So Bad After All

By Jill Miller Zimon

Most of the time, I use this space to express all the frustrations and fumbles that cause me to feel like “Failure of the Week” rather than “Mom of the Century.” The expired yogurts in my kids’ lunches, the last-minute camp registration with whichever camp director I can con with my tears and the too-small tights I force my daughter to wear because I am in denial about how much she has grown would all be good for starters.

But the truth is, what I really should be expressing is something more akin to a session with Stuart Smalley. Remember Stuart Smalley? The character portrayed by comedian, writer and current political candidate in Minnesota, Al Franken? The fictitious Smalley mirrored a person who found great strength in 12-step programs. He regularly, and for the purpose of the laugh from a Saturday Night Live audience, obsessively, exclaimed his Daily Affirmation: I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!

Sometimes I say that kind of phrase to myself too. But I probably should be shouting it at my husband, my mother, my kids and anyone else who might otherwise doubt me. Though, of course, another truth is that I’m the biggest doubter of myself. I not only need to be saying it to others to convince them about my adequacy, but I need to be hearing it myself, often.

If you think you could benefit from a daily affirmation in this style too, then think this through with me as I consider what exactly I would say in my daily affirmation. What successes as a parent can I legitimately amplify through repetition and reminder, not only for others but primarily for myself (and self-esteem)?

First, I have to identify a “success.” Shlepping back and forth in multiple directions spanning out from my home as the hub hardly seems worthy. Let’s look at where I shlep: summer physical education class for high school credit, dentist, orthodontist, doctor and haircut appointments, karate, swim lessons, swim team practice, swim team meets, volunteer work at a senior citizens’ home (twice each week I should add), bar mitzvah tutoring and social dates (like sleepovers, playdates, movies, bowling, roller skating).

Absolutely nothing spectacular or spectacularly unique. In fact, if anything, that list makes me realize how fortunate my kids are and how fortunate I am that my family’s budget has room for the gasoline, as well as the time, the fees, the uniforms and the health insurance.

But in that shlepping, there is something far less tangible and subject to being categorized that makes me proud: the moments that pass while shlepping – or waiting in a doctor’s office, or watching during a swim meet or driving to and from any event at all.

It’s during those moments that I get to be a mom, a listener, a resource, a rock. Parenting manuals will tell you over and over about how our kids want us to give them guidelines, to show them the boundaries. And it’s during those moments in traffic – whether we’re sitting in the heat or driving for endless hours on the highway to a family milestone out of state – that my kids demonstrate that they’ve learned those guidelines, as they tell me what’s on their mind and what matters to them.

What I hear reflects the lessons they have managed to glean from my husband and me. How they helped a smaller child find their parent at a crowded pool. How they guided their sibling during the first days of a new summer experience. How they are proud of themselves for winning a blue ribbon for their breaststroke. And how they want to just keep improving their own best records.

So what might my daily affirmation sound like to memorialize my efforts and reinvigorate my resolve when times feel as though nothing seems to be sticking?

I probably need to hear this as often as my morning wake up alarm. But if I did have an alarm that rang with a daily affirmation, I think it would sound like this: I Care Enough, I Shlep Enough and Doggone It, My Kids Are Turning Out Just Fine – Even With Me As A Mom.

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When she isn’t schlepping, Jill Miller Zimon is a freelance writer, blogger and awesome mom from Pepper Pike.