Each child is different when it comes to conquering homework hassles, says Annie Drake, marriage and family therapist, but every child should be told, “Your number one job is school.”

With homework, she says there generally are two kinds of kids: “There are those who do everything early and are super organized. They cannot stand the anxiety of not being well-prepared. The other -- they are a bit like the rebels. They like a little more excitement and a little more adrenaline.” The problem with the adrenaline kids, however, is “sometimes their timing is off.”

“As parents, what you want to do is hold back. Reign back,” she says. Kids learn from experience, not from lecture. It’s good to let them fail. If you save them, they are not going to learn to save themselves.”

For example, kids staying up late by themselves to work on a project and then having to get up early for school the next morning can be an excellent lesson. “Letting them get tired is the best experience for them. They get mad at themselves if you leave them alone. It’s far healthier for them to get frustrated, angry at themselves than for parents to step in and fix the problem for them.”

“We want our kids to experiment enough autonomously so that by the time they get to high school, they really own their grades. It is really panic mode if they hit high school and aren’t prepared - every year those grades are a ticket to what kind of college they will get in to. Middle school is a better time to play with this,” says Drake.

For kids who consistently have a problem meeting deadlines, Drake suggested having them make a calendar for the semester that they fill in with schoolwork deadlines, family events and extracurricular events. However, within reason, parents should let children follow their own clocks for doing homework, says Drake, author of “Help me … I Have a Teenager.”

“What time is your kid in prime time to do homework? You’ve got to look at your kiddo, and you may even have to look back to birth. Was this kid keeping you up at night, or was this an early bird? Everybody is really different in terms of those clocks.”

She also says to pay attention to their methods. “Where is your kid doing homework? Kids need to come to the kitchen table. Feed them their favorite foods. If you give them their favorite food only when they are doing homework, they show up. They’re more motivated. What you want to do is entice them in.”

She says everyone is different in how they study. “Some kids do well with the phone on their ear. Some kids do well with headphones on or watching TV. Some kids do two things at once really well. If you have that kind of child, let them do it.” Also, some kids will do best working in groups, while others work best alone.

“You really want to get to know your kid. Once you negotiate a homework plan with your kid, and your kid cranks A’s or an A effort, leave them alone. Sometimes parents get really caught up in the grades, but I get caught up in the effort. When they get a really good grade for them, the best thing you can do for them is give them your praise,” she says.

“Certainly we want kids to master school so they can really hit the ground running by ninth grade,” but “you want to keep them fresh. Some kids are so burnt out from all the pressure.”

Tip: If your child does not like to read: “When kids don’t read, I have parents read to them a really interesting story. You then keep reading until your kid sparks on to reading. If your kid slugs on a reading assignment, especially in middle school, pick up the book and read it to them.”

Caroline A. Shearer is a freelance writer and editor, often writing on topics of interest to families. Learn more at www.CarolineShearer.com.