Aging is a fact of life. As much as we would like to stop the hands of time, they march on unrelentingly – for us and our loved ones.
As we reach our mid- to late-40s it’s likely that we have parents who are probably approaching their 70s or older. If you’re like me, it’s a pretty safe bet that, short of a major disease such as cancer or diabetes, they are probably still healthy and active. Even so, it’s likely coming to the time that we need to think about the day when we become the caregiver.

Carole Glorioso, RN, geriatric nurse specialist at Home Instead Senior Care with offices in Mentor and Chesterland, recommends a tool designed by Home Instead called the 40-70 rule. If you are 40 or your parents are 70, it’s time to start talking about certain senior topics, she says. A booklet, provided by the organization, helps children find ways to broach difficult subjects such as driving, money and independence.
“Most of the time the people who are calling us are the kids,” Glorioso says. “Mom and dad say they are fine but they aren’t. We can help to open up the questions that are not easy to talk about.”
Those questions might include finding out what a parent wishes in regards to a “do not resuscitate” or DNR order. Do they have a living will or a power of attorney?
“Until they head into a crisis they don’t know they should have asked these questions,” Glorioso says.
Matt Reed, community outreach manager for the Area Agency on Aging covering Stark, Wayne, Portage and Summit counties, recommends calling your local agency on aging for a free in-home assessment.
“The best starting place is the area agency on aging. We’re an aging resource center and are designed to facilitate transitions to other agencies,” Reed says.
Reed spent five years implementing a family caregiver support program that he designed. His program provided training, one-on-one consultations and respite services.
“I tell people to watch for warning signs and that the best advocate is the doctor,” Reed says.
Warning signs include a house that was once immaculate is no longer clean, bills are not paid, spoiled food, burnt pots and pans, mail stacking up. These can be signs of memory impairment.
“Physical deterioration is pretty easy to notice but mental impairment is more subtle to detect,” Reed says. “Changes in behavior may be a reason to call an area agency or talk with the person’s doctor.”
Sometimes these issues are easier to talk about if there is someone else there such as a doctor, attorney or other health care professional.
“It’s a lot easier than waiting for mom or dad to bring it up,” Reed says.
With today’s privacy laws it’s also a good idea to ask for a waiver at your parent’s medical facility so you are able to talk with the doctor.
Matt Gurwell, president of Keeping Us Safe, focuses his business on the issue of senior drivers and the aging process. He provides individual presentations for family members or groups on topics such as “How to recognize deterioration in someone’s ability to operate a motor vehicle,” “How to approach loved ones if I feel their driving should be restricted,” or “Understanding how family relationships affect driving decisions.”
He also has a created a driving assessment and a driving agreement that older adults can sign voluntarily.
“The first thing we do is talk to the group and determine if there’s a need for intervention or conversation,” Gurwell says about his programs.
Some other topics they talk about are why the elderly are reluctant to give up driving and some of the danger signs of impaired driving.
“From the moment we first got our license, driving has been the pathway to our independence,” Gurwell says. “Most of us want to hold on to that freedom for along as we possibly can.”
Gurwell emphasizes that talking about it now is as good a time as any – even if there isn’t a problem yet.
“If they start hearing it now they are more likely to take ownership,” Gurwell says. “Studies have shown the last person the elderly driver wants to hear from is the police.”
Taking ownership of their driving may including a driving agreement that Gurwell provides. It’s a one-page form to fill out before there is a problem. It basically states that “when blank tells me to quit driving I’ll accept it from that person.”
“There’s a sense of honor in keeping that agreement,” Gurwell says.
Keeping Us Safe also provides a self-assessment program which helps older adults come up with a plan of action for their future driving. It’s a four-hour program with a 20-30 minute driving exercise.
“Together we come up with a plan of action for the future and they take ownership in it,” Gurwell says. “They’re involved in the decision-making process. It works extremely well and they agree to the plan because they helped develop it. If necessary, they can say, ‘I made the decision and I’m not driving anymore.’”

Terri Nighswonger is editor of Family magazines.